Archive for July, 2013
Are You Prepared to Resolve Conflicts?
“If possible, on your part, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18, HCSB).
In a recent post on resolving conflict, we saw evidence from LifeWay Research that most people believe they are prepared to resolve conflict between themselves and others. According to a survey of more than 1,000 American adults, nearly 85% somewhat or strongly agree they are prepared for conflict resolution.
But how prepared are they, really?
Less than half the time, respondents answered:
- Go to a higher authority
- Avoid the problem and hope it goes away
- Attempt to fully satisfy yourself and others
More than half the time, respondents answered:
- Give in to the other person
- Pretend there is no conflict
Nearly 75% of the time, respondents answered:
- Find a middle ground
The answer mentioned most often – more than 80% of the time – was “Stand up for yourself.” This reveals a problematic thought process of how conflict can be resolved, though.
Selfishness Causes Conflict
We know from experience that wanting our own way – selfishness – is the cause of conflict, not the solution to it. Those who insist on their own way impede peace rather than pave the way for it. Just hang out in a room full of two year-olds for a little while. You’ll likely see lots of selfishness and plenty of toddler-sized conflict.
The Bible addressed this issue centuries ago. In Philippians, Paul writes,
If there is any encouragement in Christ, if any consolation of love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by thinking the same way, having the same love, sharing the same feelings, focusing on one goal. Do nothing out of rivalry or conceit, but in humility consider others as more important than yourselves. Everyone should look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others (Phil. 2:1-4, HCSB).
Did you notice how it says unity is dependent upon the attitude of humility and preferring others before yourself? Not something that room full of two year-olds mentioned earlier has learned to do yet.
Humility is an Antidote to Selfishness
The attitudes of humility and putting others first are at direct odds with standing up for yourself as a means of resolving conflict. If humility can deflect conflict in the beginning, it can also help resolve it.
Some conflict in life is inevitable. We are all sinners who don’t always agree with each other. However, as followers of Christ, we must be peacemakers in our families, small groups, workplaces, and families of faith. As we pour over God’s Word together, let’s make sure we remain humble, treat others as we hope to be treated, and put others before ourselves.
To put it another way, just like Paul says, “Make your own attitude that of Christ Jesus” (Phil. 2:5, HCSB). When we do, there will be more unity and less conflict.
Yours for the Great Commission,
Ronnie W. Floyd
Senior Pastor, Cross Church Northwest Arkansas
General Editor, Bible Studies for Life
Dr. Ronnie Floyd is the President & CEO of the Southern Baptist Convention Executive Committee.
One Person, Celebrating Four Families
Today’s blog is an article I was honored to contribute for Celebrate Arkansas Magazine’s July 2013 issue.
(Our grandchildren – all six of them!)
Family matters. Yes, I believe in the family. I am convinced that one of the keys to a happy life is engaging with four families in your lifetime. Each of these families play a distinct role within your life and each of them is vital to your overall success.
Your Immediate Family
You were born into a family. Whether you grew up with both Mom and Dad in the home, or you grew up in a single parent home, or perhaps you were adopted, family does matter. Whether your family is living in harmony and oneness today or conflict has resulted in dysfunction and heartbreak, family does matter.
Family teaches you how to live. Family teaches you love and forgiveness or hate and bitterness. Family teaches you the value of life and the value of others. Family teaches you what is and what is not important in life.
Jeana and I have been married over 36 years. We have two sons, each married, and six grandchildren, all seven years of age and under. This season of life, which can occasionally be filled with challenges, is ultimately always overflowing with joy. We are learning to continue living a joyful life while teaching our grandchildren what really matters in life. Yes, it begins with family.
Celebrate your family today. Even in their weaknesses and shortcomings, they are your family. Love them. Hug them. Kiss them. Family matters.
Your Work Family
Most adults work outside the home in some respect. You may work in private business, corporate America, education, politics, or elsewhere, but wherever you work you engage people. Each of these people have an immediate family but you come together for 30, 40, or 50 or more hours each week.
Do you view the place you work and the people you work with as being a family? You should. You will spend most of your waking hours with this family. You had better love where you work, who you work with, and what you do professionally or else you will have a difficult time being happy.
In my profession as a local church Pastor, I find that most people do not feel good about their jobs. Through the last decade, I have done more counseling relating to vocational challenges than any other subject. This continual workplace displeasure comes for many reasons.
I believe unhappiness in the workplace results in a miserable life. Life is too short for you to not love the kind of work you do, where you work, and those you work with. Where you work and those you work with should be viewed as your work family. Look at your workplace as your family. They are real people you have chosen to live much of your life with; therefore, get to know them, meet their needs, and show them compassion in the midst of various crises they may face. Yes, your work family matters.
Your Church Family
I love the testimonial words found in Joshua 24:15, “But as for me and my family, we will serve the Lord.” As for our family, we have made this choice. We have made it personally to follow Jesus Christ as Lord and we have made it as a family through engagement in a local church.
The New Testament is comprised of multiple letters written to local churches. The Scripture is very clear: Jesus is the Head of the Church. Unquestionably, Jesus died for the church. The Scripture makes that more than clear.
Since the church is important to Jesus, it needs to be important to you and your family. Life is hard and tough personally and for the family. No one is exempt from this. Each family needs a church family.
I have been a Pastor of a local church for over 36 years. I have pastored the same church for 26 of those 36 years and I can testify to you that there are no perfect churches and no perfect pastors and yes, no perfect church members. Regardless, each of us needs one another and we need the church.
Find a church that will teach you how to live God’s way — from the Bible. Engage in that church consistently and faithfully. Treat it like it is your family because it is your spiritual family. The church can help you live your life more successfully.
Your National Family
This month, we are celebrating the 237th birthday of the United States of America. I love our country. I pray daily for our President and many other national and state leaders. America is my national family.
Sure, America faces problems periodically. So does your immediate family. So does your work family. So does your church family. This is why we need one another. This is why we celebrate the need for each of these families. Each of them bring a distinctiveness to your life, but together, they will make you a better you — a happier you — yes, a more successful you.
Celebrate America this month. God has placed you in what we believe is the greatest country of the world. Whether you are native born or an immigrant into our nation, we are all family. We are America. We are family.
Family Matters
Yes, family matters because people matter. What matters to God should matter to me. People I live life with in my immediate family, my work family, my church family, and my national family all matter to me because they all matter to God.
Engage each of these families in your life. Individually they will make life better for you. Together, they will help make your life great. You are one person. Now celebrate your four families.
Yours for the Great Commission,
Ronnie W. Floyd
Dr. Ronnie Floyd is the President & CEO of the Southern Baptist Convention Executive Committee.